"Maybe there is no Heaven. Or maybe this is all pure gibberish — a product of the demented imagination of a lazy drunken hillbilly with a heart full of hate who has found a way to live out where the real winds blow — to sleep late, have fun, get wild, drink whiskey, and drive fast on empty streets with nothing in mind except falling in love and not getting arrested...Res ipsa loquitur. Let the good times roll."

-Hunter S. Thompson, Gonzo Papers, Vol. 2: Generation of Swine: Tales of Shame and Degradation in the '80s (1988)

July 18, 1937 - February 20, 2005

It amuses me that whenever I set out to do some writing, I usually end up blogging instead. Most of the time it helps me out, other times I just end up distracting myself and getting nothing else accomplished.

Oh well, it all ends up bleeding together anyway.

Last night was one of my nights where I just could not sleep for the life of me. Occasionally that thing that lives in my head likes to randomly have a deep philosophical think-fest at around 3AM, and there's just no getting past it. The only option is to give in, to the point of exhaustion. I will say though, that I have come up with some of my best solutions and best ideas during these times, or at the very least made peace with something that was bothering me.

Other times though, I end up taking a walk through my past, which is indeed the proverbial "double edged sword".

Which is exactly what I was doing last night. Perched like a vulture near my bedroom window in the pitch dark, listening to "One Headlight" by The Wallflowers I started to think about the year that I was 18. Going over various events in my life at that time, remembering the people that would become a part of me forever, I naturally got the pangs of nostalgia that most of us get when idealizing a certain part of the past. I'm not so detached that I don't remember how difficult that time really was though: that I would soon become so addicted to drugs that I wouldn't know up from down, or the fact that I almost ceased to exist entirely shortly thereafter. Amidst all that devastation though, were some incredibly poignant moments. Riding home at 5AM with my ex-boyfriend in that beat up VW that only had one headlight (now you can see the meaning in that song I mentioned: it really was our song) praying like hell we didn't get pulled over while we nearly froze to death. The group of us taking road trips to nowhere, speeding down the interstate while we laughed at each other, feeling like we were going to live forever. Holding each other, when we felt like we had nothing else left.

I feel privileged to have had a lot of that in my short life. I can name a million instances such as those with a million people that I have been fortunate enough to love. I say love because I have indeed loved all of these people, each in a different way [I am of the school of thought that there's loving someone, and being IN love with someone, two different things entirely]. I was confronted with the idea recently that I've given myself up too easily that way in life, that there's something inherently "wrong" or even self destructive about caring that much about other people when there's the possibility that they don't care that much about you. While I can allow that theory a little bit of merit, it doesn't deter me in the slightest or make me feel regretful in any way. The biggest argument I can give in return, is the following: My love for other people is exactly the thing that has saved my own life on more than one occasion, and gotten me through some horrific times. Chances are if I love you, you've done that for me at least once or twice, and probably not even known about it. A somewhat selfish reason, I'll admit - but there's also nothing at all wrong with some people knowing that someone out there cares that much about them, and at the end of the day, only wants what's best for them.

On a much lighter note, I also like to argue that I've got the balls to be vulnerable. Fuck you if you're too weaksauce for that shit.

(C'mon, you knew my sarcasm would rear it's ugly head sooner or later.)

The fever has escaped me and I am feeling quite happy about this fact. In celebration I'll soon be saddling up and heading out to spread some of that aforementioned love to some of my nearest and dearest.

Have a good Thursday afternoon/evening kids.

Well I finally got it all done around here, this blog that is. I can't believe how neglected it was. I kind of feel like I'm in the process of moving back into an old house: it feels familiar, comfortable, and weird as hell all at the same time.

I really have nothing particular to write about, or that I feel like writing about - other than I've been feverish since yesterday (as some of you already know) and spent that duration telling people exactly what I think of them, and then retreating back to my little world to get a bunch of stuff done in my office and here online. I still have a lot of catching up to do, but here I am.

I'm back.

Edit: I just got this gem, and rather than make a whole new post, I'm just going to add it to this one. Fuck it. I'm amused as hell.

I told myself I was never going to go back there, but I've also said that about other places and found myself drunk and stumbling back in - which is pretty much what happened this time too.

MySpace: I'm there again. [myspace.com/akiralux] If I haven't added you already, go there and add me. I'm going to be blogging from there for some time as I'm planning on doing something different with my akiralux.com domain at some point in the near future. I'm sure I'll make a LiveJournal comeback later on as I usually do, but for now I'm going to leave it be since I'm much busier at MS and also at Facebook.

So if you've missed me as much as I've missed you, come on over.

After a couple LiveJournal nudges and the realization that I've been pretty well dead as far as the internet goes - here I am, proving that I still have a pulse.

And while I'm thinking of it I'd like to wish a Happy Birthday to everyone I've missed in the past few weeks - usually I'm a lot better about the birthday thing but my life has been absolutely insane. Forgive me? I absolutely owe you a drink (or ten).

The election has been awhile ago now, but yes I did work that day for the Obama campaign and I had an absolute blast doing so. I was canvassing neighborhoods on zero sleep but I was running on the adrenaline rush of being around a bunch of excited people, not to mention that thing called hope. I met a great girl that works for Iowa Senator Tom Harkin (D) and I got to hear how amazing it is living and working in Washington DC. Seriously, if you've never been involved in politics or the process of it all before, you'd be surprised how much fun it is. These people know how to party, and they couldn't be friendlier. When the results came in that night I was one of those people crying and hugging, and doing lots of shots. I think I'm still hungover.

In more personal news, yes I'm still going through the painful process of "divorce". M and I have been working hard to do this as painlessly as possible, but everyone knows that there is really no way to avoid that entirely, no matter how well intentioned you may be. We're still living together, and most likely will be until around February or so. After that I'll be relocating to another one of Roger's properties, actually the same one I lived at before we moved here (for those of you that remember Windsor). I'm thinking of going back to school, which is funny in the sense that a lot of people I know do that after a break-up. I guess it's a sense of direction when everything seems chaotic. At that point I will no longer be working as a property manager - I'm giving everything up to M, for a multitude of reasons. It's for the best though, honestly.

As for this week, Thanksgiving is naturally taking up much time and energy as it always does every year. I'm tempted to get a gang of friends together for some "Black Friday" madness - not because there's anything I want to buy, but just because having a front row seat to the fights that break out sounds infinitely fun. Robyn saw one of the best fights in Black Friday history when two elderly women beat the hell out of each other over a bread maker. I shit you not, the paramedics had to come when one got knocked out of her chair and injured her hip. You just can't make that stuff up. Robyn was also threatened numerous times by rabid soccer moms: "I'll kick your ass if you get in my way!!". Come on, how can you NOT be a part of something that great?? [click here for the Black Friday site, deals apparently worth killing for.]

This afternoon I'll be escorting Miss Robyn to the dentist, as she'll be completely doped up on Valium and no doubt be hallucinating (after all, she's taking 5 pills). Not exactly conducive to driving.

Have a great week and a great holiday everyone!!

Person: "Wow, your laptop is huge..."
Me: "Isn't it spectacular? It's soft pink casing is crafted from the vaginas of virgins that are still sacrificed today deep in the Amazon."

My mind works in mysterious ways, and my mouth simply follows suit.

I realized while fixing up some things around my journal that I haven't made a public post in awhile, or any other kind of post for that matter - so here I be.

Things are, as usual, busy and complicated. Tomorrow morning I'm scheduled to be at Obama's Cedar Rapids office doing some work for the campaign (soooo excited about this). Work has been... interesting for lack of a better term or phrase (other than a word that begins in cluster and ends in fuck). Bizarre conference calls, inspections, move-ins and move-outs, and people making me want to ship myself off to a very far away place via UPS overnight service. Because that's about all I could really afford at this point.

I signed in a new tenant today, a woman in her 60's that is newly divorced. It's the 3rd break-up in a month that I've had at the complex and it's making me wonder if there's something in the water, or possibly the Earth itself is shifting on it's axis making everyone want to say to hell with it and try something new. All I know is that in every instance, the people were nothing short of ecstatic about their separations and the knowledge that they will be living blissfully alone and undisturbed (at least until the next person comes along to fuck that all up again).

I'm becoming exceedingly more cynical about relationships, and I really wish I wasn't - I suppose I have a loss of "consumer confidence"?

Or something.

Tonight I'm towing Robyn and M with me to TSD class, so they can watch the fun. Speaking of which, I should get my ass motoring and finish things up so I'll still have time to get ready before Robyn shows up.....

xoxoxo

Taken from the lovely lunari:

1. There are 30 questions.
2. Next to each number, write only the name of the person who fits.
3. Answer one question with one name.
4. Don't tell the questions to anyone who isn't doing the meme.

(If you want to do the meme, leave me your e-mail address and I'll send you the questions.)

1. louismaistros
2. ericslove
3. kabuki_girlz
4. idiolatry
5. f3d0ra_girl
6. aeshultz lol ;x
7. m1m0
8. chantix_dreams
9. adamant_turtle
10. misplacedmind
11. tao_of_tyler
12. without_within
13. crista
14. mammernoids
15. djaric
16. kikamer
17. Hmmmm... I'm not sure of this one!
18. r0ck_x_star
19. steven_1974
20. goddessofchaos
21 and 22.: I don't know what these mean either, lol!
23. grleq - I think you would make a cool one lol :)
24. marklar_
25. lest_we_forget_
26. lunari (I'm just kidding with you though, because I don't think I can pull that off with anyone, haha! ;)
27. harmonicsoul
28. damnedinflames
29. stoner_cowboy
30. I ♥ you! ;D

"ALL NEIGHBORHOODS...AND POSSIBLY ENTIRE COASTAL COMMUNITIES...
WILL BE INUNDATED DURING THE PERIOD OF PEAK STORM TIDE. PERSONS
NOT HEEDING EVACUATION ORDERS IN SINGLE FAMILY ONE OR TWO STORY
HOMES WILL FACE CERTAIN DEATH."

That's a recent report from The National Weather Service regarding Hurricane Ike [click here to view the full report].

I don't ever remember reading a NWS report and seeing language of that nature used (I'm speaking of the "certain death" part)- which makes it that much more horrifying. I've never lived in a coastal city [though I've made my visits! ;)] so the idea of having to evacuate from a monstrous storm puts me in a state of shock and awe, because I can only imagine what that's like. The stress, the uncertainty - especially the uncertainty. Because we never really know with these things exactly what is going to happen.

I'm from tornado country, and that is something I'm totally accustomed to. A tornado I don't spend days anticipating and wondering if it's going to affect me or not and a tornado isn't going to simultaneously lay flooding on me to deal with on top of everything else (though the floods here this year definitely have given me a deeper sympathy and understanding for storm surge flood victims in hurricane stricken areas) Not that I don't think tornadoes are dangerous or anything (I've been affected by them before), because indeed they are, but definitely a totally different creature altogether.

So watching people evacuating on television and imagining how fucking stressful it is, makes me feel absolutely terrible. And I wonder if the media actually helps or hurts the people in the midst of it: So to any and all of you that have been in this situation yourself (or know people who have), how does the media affect you [both the good and the bad]? And do you think using language like the above report from the NWS is helpful or hurtful? [this was a question posed by someone else and it made me curious as well].

And most importantly if anyone reading this is living in the path of Ike (sometimes I'm a ditzy fucker and I forget where some of you are from) please stay safe and know that people are thinking of you!

Picked by the awesome niblet81 ;D

Pick 12 people and give them the "you make my day" award in no particular order. If you're picked, you are charged with picking 12 of your own (unless you've already done it).

stoner_cowboy
louismaistros
chantix_dreams
grleq
crista
misplacedmind
steven_1974
niblet81
nightshade_7976
adamant_turtle
katers5636
without_within

....and really I pick all of you though, because you all make my day way fucking better! xoxoxoxoxoxoxo